Thrown for a loop.

I've been feeling a bit off lately.  I think it's because I've been technically happy, which is so completely at odds with my instinctive cynical demeanor, that I've been questioning every reaction I have to every thing.  

And when I say technically happy, it's not because I feel like I have to qualify the emotion.  It's just that there are so many LEVELS OF HAPPY.  Some of them operate only a few notches up from despair, where you actively seek out glimmers of positivity to make day-to-day living bearable...then there's the operational mode of happiness, where you settle into a happiness routine--hanging out with friends, having good times, making memories, what-have-you.

THEN

There's stratospherically happy--a feeling that (see despair happy) only comes in glimmers, and is SO good...is SO enjoyable, that you're pretty sure it can't possibly be real.  Or if it is real, it must come with a caveat.  Like Brigadoon or a corpse plant.  

But fuck it.  I'm going to throw my lot in with the beautiful stinky flower and the disappearing hamlet.